The nature of NPD abuse is very complex and often results in the victim developing Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome. Healing from this often requires therapy, but the choice of therapist is vital. The wrong therapist can do more harm than good.
Why is NPD a special case?
NPD abuse is multifarious and prone to misunderstanding. As a general rule only therapists who have experienced it first hand as a victim themselves get it. Indeed, there are notable cases where both psychiatrists and therapists have fallen foul of NPD abuse as romantic partners themselves – the insidious nature of it is that imperceptible. Because of the twisted mindset of the narc, the nature of the abuse, and the Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome (NAS) that the victim is likely to now have, therapy needs to be highly specialised and bespoke. Apply normal therapy to NAS is akin to giving someone the right tools but for the wrong job.
The Therapy Required
Once a victim has been removed from the abuse, both physically and from all forms of contact (ie either No Contact or Grey Rock), the first step in their healing is validation. NPD abuse is like no other, and it is vital that anyone helping a victim is able to help them validate two things – that they really were abused (and very likely to a degree significantly worse than they themselves can quite believe), and that the abuse was abnormal. That second point is very important – because in order to come to terms with it and heal from it, victims will need to learn counter-intuitive thinking. And if they ever have to deal with their narc again, they will need a very different toolkit.
Managing the Narcissist
Even if No Contact or Grey Rock is possible, it is very unlikely that most victims are able to sever ties with a narcissist completely. For some it is an absolute impossibility – in the romantic partner case, joint kids need to be co-parented, divorces need to be finalised, houses need to be sold, belongings split etc. Children of narcissists are never able to avoid that fact, and many coworkers of narcs will usually run some risk to tangling with their abuser again. So victims need to learn a very different set of tools required to manage a narcissist – and these specialist tools are neither understood or taught by normal therapists. Once again, a specialist is required.
Healing the Inner Wound
Some people are natural targets for Narcissists – Empaths, and those harbouring an inner unresolved wound that undermines their own self-love. Many victims are unaware of this – thinking that their childhood was a happy one, but not realising that an overbearing and controlling carer had unwittingly turned them into people-pleasers for example. Healing this inner wounds is also part of the healing journey – and whilst this part is very much within the realm of the normal therapist, its importance and location in the bigger picture may be lost.
In order to fully prepare them for life after abuse, and to protect them from tangling with a narcissist ever again, they will need to learn how to identify a potential narcissist through knowing the red flags and their modus operandii. They also need to develop the self-love required to put their own needs first. This requires skills and knowledge – and not all normal therapists will have the depth of first hand experience to equip victims fully in the context of NPD.
Right Tools, Right Job
The above doubtless begs the question, what are the right tools for the right job. This is what this website seeks to provide:
Understanding the Narcissist – the causes of it, the type of narcissistic abuse you can expect as they seek narcissistic supply, who the other players are in the campaign of abuse are, your role in it
How narcissistic abuse will manifest itself in different situations, whether you are the child of a narc, their partner, a work colleague or acquaintance. And the type of support base you need, and the other you need to avoid.
How this abuse has affected you
Understanding Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and the turmoil you are in, how to change your mindset and understand how they think, tools to help you deal with them and win against them, how to break free, protect yourself and heal, how to navigate divorce.
And if your children are being alienated against you, guides as how to approach the issue and navigate it.
This page, and indeed entire section of the site, is dedicated to AW, a university friend who after no contact for 25 years, clocked a FaceBook post I made. She doesn’t have a psychology degree and she’s has never trained as a therapist. But she’s an empath and survivor of several narcissists in her life – parental and romantic. She spotted something I said, it resonated, she made contact and since when she has been both a rock and inspiration. She has brought me back from the brink on several occasions and has been ten times better than the four professional therapists I have engaged with over a 10 year period. Knowledge, wisdom, kindness, courage, optimism. She has been the Warrior is aspire to be. AW I thank you from the bottom of my heart. xxx