“Narcissistic abuse is covert, and often disguised as love and care, but it’s anything but. It’s not a single act of cruelty like an insulting comment, or verbal abuse laced with a string of profanities. It’s the insidious, gradual and intentional erosion of a person’s sense of self-worth. It’s a combination of emotional and psychological abuse aimed at undermining a person’s identity for the sole purpose of obtaining control for personal gain. It can involve patterns of dominance, manipulation, intimidation, emotional coercion, withholding, dishonesty, extreme selfishness, guilt mongering, rejection, stonewalling, gaslighting, financial abuse, extreme jealousy, and possessiveness.” Bree Bonchay, LCSW
Who is Abused?
Abuse is generally exercised by someone with NPD on spouses, work colleagues, friends – and especially their own children. In a family context, it happens behind closed doors and is very difficult to detect- like any trickster, the abuser presents themselves as pillars of society, and is charming and outgoing. The “False self” camouflages the “Real self“.
The reasons for their campaign of abuse is baffling to the outsider is that it runs so contrary to how we as humans instinctively treat others, and abusive is often the polar opposite as to how someone with NPD appears to the rest of society. But as with the literary character(s) of Jekyll & Hyde, their split personalities are rarely apparent to the outsider. So very often no-one other than those directly affected are ever aware of the abuse.
More insight on their split personalities can be found at Real vs False Self.
The Other Players
Generally we thing of accomplices as others who take an active role in a crime. In the case of Narcissistic abuse, anyone who knows what is going on but who turns a blind eye gives tacit approval and support to the abuse. In the entitled and twisted mind of the narcopath, silence is all that is required. Their active and players are described in more detail in the section The Narcissist’s Players.
In this Section
Lovebombing (coming soon)
Projection (coming soon)
Apologies (coming soon)
Ghosting & Discard (coming soon)
Triangulation (coming soon)
Smear Campaign (coming soon)
Isolation (coming soon)