For any normal person, divorce is an upsetting and difficult time. Divorcing a narcissist is, sadly, a whole different level of challenge and drama.
In virtually every divorce, there are sensitivities and potential pressure points – money, ego, jealousy, administrative burden, stakeholdings in the marriage beyond the couple, housing, pensions, welfare benefits etc etc.
What Guides Normal People
But, tricky though the process may be, most couples are nevertheless guided along the journey with more positive influences: –
- compassion, empathy and a sense of decency for the ex, not least derived from a considerable time as life-partner;
- the welfare of any children from the marriage;
- a wish to minimise the drama and period of conflict;
- guidance, advice and support given to each by friends, family and professional advisors;
- a rational desire not to waste money on costly legal bills
What the Narcopath Seeks
Counter-intuitively to you probably, and certainly counter-intuitively to your support network, your friends, your lawyer, and the judiciary charged with ruling on the settlement and future of the children, a narcopath is not constrained by the above list in the least. On the contrary, they have no empathy or compassion, any children are regarded as weapons to be used in the war, they have a crushing desire to extend both the period and the drama of the split as this is crucial narcissistic supply on which they depend, and they have little regard for the money that it will cost you to legally defend your interests.
Their Legal Bills
Narcopaths may well seek to borrow money for their own legal case without any intention to ever repay it, and/or they have no intention of settling their own legal bill. The aggravation incurred by creditors in recovering their dues is all part of the drama of narcissistic supply on which the narcopath feasts.
It is vital therefore that you consider this non-exhaustive list when divorcing a narcissist:
- If it all possible, give no prior warning that you intend to file for divorce
- Ensure that you do all you can to safeguard your share in ownership of the material assets you own or rent (house, car, pension, credit cards, shares etc)
- Do all you can to prevent incurring any future debt and liability (credit cards, lease of cars, houses etc),
- Prepare an escape, being very careful that you yourself are not compromising yourself (either your personal security, or with the law)
The Challenges of Divorcing a Narcissist | Kingsley Napley Lawyers
13 Essential Tips if You Are Divorcing a Narcissist | Psychology Today