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When the inevitable discard happens, the pain and confusion caused to the victim is intense. They’re trauma bonded, they’re utterly confused, and they are never given the closure that happens in a normal breakup (where the partner ending the relationship at least has the decency to say that it is over, and explains why).
Why so confusing and Painful?
NPD survivors always report that’s splitting from their partners, and in particular going No Contact, is excruciatingly difficult. It is. And for very particular reasons:
- Splitting from a long-term romantic partner is usually difficult in any situation where there is love.
- By their very nature, NPD’s and empaths are attracted to one another, and as a result the discarded partner tends to be a loving, empathic, and generous soul in any case. Any emotional events tend to affect this personality type more.
But it is significantly more than this:
Psychological and Emotional Depletion
Unbeknownst to the victim, by the time the discard phase comes around, the narcopath will have run a sustained campaign aimed at isolating the victim from their support group, including closest friends and family. Where one would normally expect a support group ready to pick up the pieces, that care does not always exist, and certainly not as primed and solid as it would otherwise be.
Moreover, from the very start of the relationship, a subtle but systemic psychological and emotional campaign of abuse has been underway, designed to initially hook the victim before confusing and completely destroying their sense of confidence and self worth. A victim therefore enters the discard phase at their lowest ever psychological and emotional ebb, and invariably contending with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD).
Trauma Bonded
The victim is trauma-bonded to the abuser. In the romantic variant of Stockholm Syndrome, the victim has a bio-chemical addiction to both abuse and abuser. As with breaking any addiction, this takes time, support, patience and psychological reserve. None of which the victim has much of.
No Closure
In the break ups of a normal couple, there are at least warning signs of the inevitable, and explanations and apologies that constitute all import closure from the jilting party. In an NPD break-up, however, there is none and when the inevitable discard does happens, the pain and confusion caused to the victim is intense. They’re utterly confused, and they are never given the closure that happens in a normal breakup (where the partner ending the relationship at least has the decency to say that it is over, and explains why).
Out with the Old, in with the New
Rubbing further salt into the wound, the abuser appears to move on romantically with lightning speed, and in a very public manner. It is totally baffling to the jilted party who is has neither the time to understand that the relationship is over, nor the reasons why.
Smear Campaign
Working in concert with the strategy of isolation, a covert, manipulative but highly effective smear campaign swung into action long before the discard, and now with the discard phase started, moves into overdrive whereby the diametrically opposite of reality is successfully portrayed.
Villain and Victim roles reversed
Despite all the evidence, the victim is successfully portrayed as the one at fault, whilst the abuser assumes the role of victim. This is particularly confusing and devastating for the real victim who knows that they are the innocent ones, who cannot understand how popular opinion can get it so wrong, who is thoroughly betrayed by the lack of support they are offered, and all of this when the evidence of what is really is surely so clear. Abuser is now portrayed as abuse victim – and no-one seems to be able to spot the injustice.
Ongoing Psychologcal Abuse
Their abuse does not stop at discard – quite the opposite.Their trauma continues with their abuser continuing the guerrilla tactics of a sustained psychological war, many manoeuvres from which the victim simply cannot disengage. Kids, money and reputation are all used as weapons. Quite simply, they’re on a Mission to Destroy.
Lack of Training, Treatment and Protection
Unlike trained solders returning from high intensity conflict with PTSD, NPD abuse victims have no prior training, the trauma is experienced alone and not shared amongst a peer group, and they are given no recognition or treatment thereafter. Unlike their soldier equivalent, the trauma was not a physical, their scars do not show, and wider society has absolutely no comprehension of, or sympathy for, their experiences.
Other Major Issues to Contend With
If this is not enough to contend with, it is all happening to coincide with the major life upheavals that’s such a breakup entails -moving house, dealing with the legal process, securing a viable income etc.
Kids as Weapons
In the case of dependent children, the victim also has to keep it all together for their sake. Where kids are used as pawns in the narcopath’s relentless and increasingly desperate game of mindfuck, considerable psychological damage is done to the children. Naturally, the empath cares about this. The abuser knows this and is able to exploit this Achilles Heel. Invariably, the empath is the only one who genuinely knows the levels of damage being done and has to share their last reserves of emotional reserve protecting their children.
No Closure
This must be resolved with what is called self-validation, of which more later.
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External Links
5 Reasons A Narcissist Can’t Stay In A Relationship | Power of Positivity