As far as Parental Alienation is concerned, the court system is broken. We all know that. And targeted parents are all getting very frustrated and demoralised about trying to fix it. But tackling the system is one thing – there are numerous other things that you as a targeted parent can do to improve your relationship with your child. Even if this takes some time.
Be very careful about how you reach out and maintain contact with kids who have been alienated. Crucial to this is understanding that if you put any pressure on them, if you encourage them to make any decisions, or you put any guilt trip on them, it puts them in a very difficult position indeed. Why? Because the allied parent will counter this with a rebuke, lies, mind-games, and with emotional pressure. This conflict around Parental Alienation puts an enormous psychological burden on the child – in acknowledging and responding to the love of their normal-range parent, they risk being ostracised by their allied parent. Invariably, a child’s defence mechanism will cause them keep their head down and be seen to be obeying their allied parent. It’s a natural and perfectly understandable coping mechanism.
So is there anything we can do? Sure. You can still send them regular messages that you are thinking about them. That you love them. That you miss them. Tell them anyway you can – by text, email, through a third party, post messages on your social media, stick signs on the side of the road of their school run – however you do it, just make sure that your kids are getting regular little messages that you love and care about them. No response required. No question posed. No moral dilemma thrust on them. There is a limit as to how long an allied parent can possibly keep negating such little messages. In time, as the child matures and realises and resent the drama and conflict that surrounds the NPD/BPD parent. They will start to see through the lies and manipulation. And, in their search for normality and love, they will be drawn inexorably away from the allied parent and towards the targeted parent who has remained constant, reliable and dependable in their love for them throughout. The judiciary may be as broken as hell – but at the end of the day, no court will be able to quash a child’s love of their normal-range parent.
Parental Alienation: Bully on a Grown-up Playground | Freud Institute