In building this website, I had a number of personal motivations. As the website has grown and time has gone on, so the less personal of them have morphed into the objectives for this site – in essence, its mission.
To be the One-stop Resource for Victims and Survivors
In coming to terms with my own abuse at the hands of a narcissist, I was Mr Fixit. I researched, I analysed, I made sense of it, I planned my own healing, I availed myself of various resources. I also developed my own theories that spanned multiple fields of expertise (NPD to Parental Alienation, for example).
But crucially, I participated in various online forums for NPD victims. I found that the questions being asked and support sought by my fellow survivors were all those that I had, the answers of which I had book-marked. In responding to questions, I was précising these articles in layman’s terms in order to be able to reply concisely. Moreover, making sense of their issues was helping me make sense of mine. I saved copies of these posts and began to curate quite a collection. And so the idea was born to publish tailored versions of these on a well-structured website so that people could put their issues into the context of others, one bit of research would lead them to another, and in no time the parts of the jigsaw would fall into place.
To push for Changes in the way the Judiciary deal with High-Conflict Divorce
Whist navigating divorce and seeking protection for myself, my extended family and most importantly, my children, I have felt thoroughly let down by the system. I talk to others battling the same, and their frustrations mirror mine. Family courts, child assessment & protection agencies, legal systems and lawyers all seem to be failing the very people they were set up to protect – and making a good deal of money in the process, thank you very much. I, along with the millions like me, are desperate to see some change. This website, and the campaigning I do, is my contribution to this change.
To Pull Together NPD Awareness, Therapy and Parental Alienation
I dabble in different communities. NPD abuse survivors. Alienated parents. Psychologists. Law makers. Thought leaders. And of course, wider society. And I’m frustrated:
- At the lack of joined-up writing, that left hand isn’t talking to right.
- That alienated parents combating exes in the family courts don’t understand NPD at the root of their woes, the drama they are feeding, and the psychological impact that they are having on their own kids.
- That NPD survivors aren’t anticipating and mitigating parental alienation.
- That law-makers aren’t listening to psychologists.
- That mainstream media isn’t spotting the massive issue under their noses and playing their part in raising awareness.
- That charities don’t yet understand where NPD abuse sits in mental health and homeless issues.
- That those in the Victim’s Support Group don’t understand what it is their loved one / friend / client is going through, the abuse that they are being subjected to, and the sort of advice and support that they need.
- That people with NPD themselves aren’t yet regarded as victims of the disorder.
I hope that this website and my wider work starts to join some of those dots.
To Cross-Fertilise Ideas and People
I have tried to pull together what I feel are the best professionals in their field, links to the best articles,
I hope that visitors will treat this website as a hub, into which they come, learn, and then are fed out to the most pertinence resources and contacts for them:
- The therapists who really know their stuff about NPD
- The forums, support groups, campaign groups and charities
- The thought leaders in the chosen fields of expertise for students of psychology, NPD, mental health
- The lawyers, judges, child protection agencies
- The writers and bloggers, the press and broadcast media who are such a crucial part of the landscape.
To promote Social Campaigning
Slavery in the USA wasn’t outlawed until 1865. Women’s Suffrage in the UK ended in 1928 when they got the vote. Black segregation in the USA ended as late as 1968. Apartheid in South Africa was halted in the early 1990’s. All of these changes were achieved through massive and prolonged campaigns, often extended beyond the borders of the countries affected.
Even now, now there are significant campaigns underway – the #metoo movement against sexual harassment and sexual assault, others tackling sexual and racial discrimination in the workplace, Gay and Lesbian rights and the like. Physical assaults are well understood and recognised, and there are already robust laws criminalising them. What I personally find frustrating, however, is that whilst in cases such as rape there are two types of abuse (physical and psychological), and the physical affects generally subside after a matter of weeks, it is the psychological affects that are both the worst and more enduring (often for the rest of the victim’s life). And yet society is still failing to either understand, prosecute and protect the victims of psychological and emotional abuse.
Halting the Pathogen
We know that the most likely and prevalent cause of NPD is the abuse of the infant between the ages of 0 and 5. And yet we are doing nothing to protect infants from their abusive parents – and if we are, only once abuse has happened and it is too late. The pathogen of NPD is therefore free to be passed from one generation to another. This will only ever be halted if we recognise NPD abuse for what it is, understand it, and act proactively to intervene before further damage is done.
To Combat Mental Health and Suicide Prevention
I have been pushed to the very brink of suicide on a number of occasions (and I regard myself as a strong, intelligent and well-supported guy). I have talked others back from the brink first hand. I have been passed news of others who didn’t make it. It’s a massive ongoing tragedy that few in wider society know about. As the recognition of mental health becomes increasingly important, I hope that this website will help mental health charities and campaigners, therapists as well as the victims themselves understand the role that NPD abuse plays, what can be done about it, and feed high-risk people quickly and effectively to the right resources to help
To promote Understanding of Narcissism, Narcopaths and the Real Victims
I regularly see the term Narcissist bandied around irresponsibly – in the news and media, and even within the victim community. Every common-garden, self-important jerk is labelled a narcissist. Few understand the difference between someone high in levels of self-confidence from the polar opposite, the narcopath who is chronically lacking in it, and the toxic impact that their behaviour this have on people.
Whilst the world is beginning to understand the causes of NPD, and the ways in which NPD abuse is metered out, we are only just beginning to understand Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome – the devastating effects that NPD abuse has on its victims.
But I am not aware of any work that is being done to understand the effects that NPD has on its most tragic victims – the Narcopaths themselves. They didn’t do anything to deserve their disorder, and as far as I am aware, there is no cure. They number 6.2% of the population. What society allows such a widespread and crippling disorder to abound, untreated and misunderstood? I don’t believe that narcissists should be vilified in the way they are, for something they are not responsible for. We wouldn’t demonise a cripple, brought into this world with a birth defect, would we? Whilst we need to understand NPD and do more to actively mitigate its chaos and destruction, so as a responsible and caring society we need to treat them with respect and find fulfilling roles in society in which they can be thrive positively.